The things that only happen in movies are next on my list of things I get to tackle and boy oh boy, saying that I’m ready would be such an understatement! How many movie clichés can a person ignore, anyway? I’m going to name a few I find particularly annoying in large amounts and you’re more than welcome to join me. So, without further ado, a list of things that only happen in movies that can really ruin your movie-marathon Sunday:
1. Disobeying a Direct Order and Getting Away with It
One of the most annoying of all things that only happen in movies is that “let’s do the wrong thing for all the right reasons” thing I’m sure you’ve noticed. A soldier disobeying an order and doing something that would make the audience get all teary-eyed, for example. I mean, I absolutely love the message it sends but I also think producers should pay more attention to how they integrate this into the whole story. Sure, a soldier can and should be righteous and humane but you shouldn't try to pull this off by making him appear undisciplined, disrespectful, negligent of the mission and his team's safety. I'm sure it doesn't do real soldiers any justice!
2. Chance Meetings in a Huge City
Our lovebird New Yorkers manage to bump into each other five times a week, like they are living in a borderline village, a small island Greece doesn’t even know it owns or well…name any other poorly-populated region you’re more familiar with. I mean, come on, you can’t convince me bumping into people in New York (or Washington or any other huge city movies usually take place in) is so easy that 90% of couples end up hooking up that way! NY is way bigger than Athens and I’d need all the fingers of one hand to count my chance-meetings on. Seriously, I don’t even bump into my sister-in-law and we shop at the same supermarket!
3. Superhuman Skills
I happened to stumble upon a really old movie with Hulk Hogan playing the lady-saving knight in shiny armor and hot damn! I don’t know what this guy eats for breakfast but I’ll have what he’s having! The guy was holding his breath in for like five minutes straight, navigating his way through a water-filled cave all the way. And check this out – no brain damage, not even a small episode of dizzy spells. I couldn’t stand to watch it much longer after that but I do hope the pretty, long-legged babe gave him a kiss in the end. The man did deserve it.
4. Mad Combat/Shooting Skills
Gotta appreciate a girl who can hold her own, right? Well, every single one of us apparently has this little Rambo lurking inside waiting for someone to try to mug, manhandle or take us hostage to come to the surface. Want my advice? Invest in some self defense classes just to be on the safe side because wresting a gun out of one robber just to hit the other with point blank range precision isn’t as easy as it looks.
5. Heartbreaking Make-Ups
If it starts with a highly improbable chance-meeting you can bet there’s a great love story to follow, an even greater misunderstanding and another chance-meeting to make things right. People, basically, make a mess out of their relationship because sitting down to talk things over is so darn hard. But that’s okay because they’ll both have an epiphany by the end and bump into each other yet again. Then they can finally spill their heart out and say all the things they should’ve said much earlier.
6. If It Sounds Soviet, It’s Probably Evil and Backward
Do film studios have scouts scouring the earth in search of greasy-looking men with an exceptionally poor command of English? Sheesh! Here's a Game of Thrones-inspired drinking game for you – get your spare liver on standby and drink whenever you see a Russian mobster, drink if he looks the part (missing eye, facial scar and all), drink if he sounds like Count Dracula, drink for a sidekick named either Ivan or Sergei, drink whenever you see people living in horrible houses and do pour yourself a drink for every family with like a gazillion poorly-dressed children you see. Seriously, you guys, this is so unfair! I would like to visit Russia!
7. Unbearably Perfect People
How is it that when Jennifer Lopez gets caught in the rain, she never ever ends up looking like a wet rat? Even her hair dries in a stylish way, her nose never gets red and her mascara doesn’t run. She’s about to run into Mr. Perfect, of course and she’ll look like Ms. Perfect even if it’s raining raw catfish chunks. Puh-leeze! Enough with the hints, already! I'm not going to go hide in a Dumpster or something whenever my hair looks less than perfect!
Well, that pretty much covers it as far as I’m concerned. What about you? Got any of those super annoying movie clichés to share?