It has recently come to the attention of the internet at large that “Netflix and chill” does not actually mean “let us hang out together as we watch this documentary on Bronies.” The assumption is that you will actually bang while Netflix plays in the background. Upon hearing this, many people reminisce about the days when coming over to watch a movie meant just that. I understand. I used to think so, too. Most girls do and many guys do, as well. Still, think about it. Did you ever hang out with someone, pop a movie in the VCR or DVD player, and suddenly it's like porn music starts playing in the background? It's always been this way. Sometimes you're into it, sometimes you're not, and sometimes you just want to finish binge-watching “American Horror Story.” Now that you're aware of both the euphemism and the idea, here are a few possible reactions for various Netflix and chill situations.
Or if you're actually going to watch Netflix and chill out. Why is that important? Well, because...
Because if it's Netflix and chill then you have to shave your legs, put on makeup, and wear a pair of underwear without popped elastic. However, if it's just Netflix and, you know, chill, then it's all about sweatpants and tee shirts.
Suddenly your dreams of watching the entire fourth season of “House” are dead. They're dead. They died.
You're just so appalled that you can't even, and she's all trying to spin it Bridesmaids style and says they just had an “adult sleepover.”
You know the guy (or girl). The one who's gagging for it so hard, the smell of desperation makes your libido wilt like a flower.
You know you're going to blurt out something about that Bronies documentary and you really don't want to.
How are you supposed to set the mood when the monthly Netflix selection is all Adam Sandler movies and anime? There is nothing sexy about Billy Madison and tentacles! Well … apparently there is something sexy about tentacles, but they're not your bag.
But they just switched out their stuff and every movie you genuinely want to watch with someone you find hella interesting (sorry for hella) is now gone. You want to bond over your favorite films, to seduce and be seduced on a whole different level, and now your boo's going to think you want to chill, not just chill.
You know the face. You know it. I know you know it
Because sometimes you are thirsty and you do not want to wait for your drink.
Maybe you're not feeling it, maybe the vibe's not right, the chemistry's all wrong – any of a dozen things. You just have to try to look like you're not busy plotting an escape route.
You know, to tell your friend to call you ASAP because you discovered you can't escape out the bathroom window.
But you're sort of awkward as hell and it's not quite this adorable.
One of the creepy ones. One of the nightmare ones. Or, worst of all, one of the felipes.
Unexpected laughs are awesome. Cleverness, wit, a sense of humor – all possible deal makers.
...and the chill portion was so good.
...and the chill portion was SO. BAD.
It makes sense that a movie is the universal cover for a hook up, but at the same time … Netflix is just so awesome. What's your most cringe-worthy Netflix and chill story?
Please rate this article