10 Useful Lessons I've Learned from Horror Movies ...

When there’s a maniac on the loose, straying from the group is nothing less than a death wish. Remember Tatum Riley’s trip to the garage for beer in “Scream”? Her fate was sealed (more like crushed between the garage door and the ceiling) as a result of one misguided journey alone. Don’t be like Tatum; cling to your group like glue. The loner always gets it in the end!

One important lesson from horror films is to run for the door the second you hear a strange noise upstairs or a serial killer keeps blowing up your phone. Grab a weapon if you can, call your bestie from your cell phone, and bolt toward civilization. Now if only “Scream 2’s” sorority girl Cici Cooper had this advice handy!

Three words: “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” When you’re out in the middle of nowhere and you’ve just picked up a traumatized hitchhiker, don’t stop at a rundown, secluded house. You’re welcome.

A vital lesson from horror movies is to never get in the car with someone who looks like he or she could star as the human butcher in a horror movie. Every time you’re tempted to bum a ride off of a random driver, think of poor Annie in “Friday the 13th,” the ill-fated counselor who never even made it to camp because she trusted a stranger. Always remember: stranger danger, stranger danger!

I’ll never forget 2008 horror flick “The Ruins.” Here were four twenty-somethings having a grand ole time partying in Mexico. Next thing you know, they decide to explore some ancient ruins that happen to harbor flesh-eating plants. Sadly, this could have been avoided by listening to the local taxi driver and running out of the forest at the sight of a creepy little girl next to the ruins’ path. So, keep your eyes peeled and your ears open, ladies!

In every horror movie ever, the couple who thinks it’s a great idea to chug beers and get frisky in that abandoned barn down the road usually end up being among the first to die. So, do yourself a favor and save the lovin’ once you’re far, far away from the serial killer/vampire/zombie who’s hunting you down. In this case, "safe sex" involves with more than just condoms. No parking at lovers' lanes if anyone in your high school has been killed, either.

Another important lesson from horror movies is if you can make a direct hit, take the opportunity. It took counselor Alice Hardy a painfully long time to send murderer Mrs. Voorhees to her grave in “Friday the 13th.” You’ll save yourself time –and even your very life– if you’re skilled in self-defense.

One chief lesson I’ve learned from horror movies is to always grab an extra weapon. Just assume that your first line of defense will somehow go wrong. If a hunger-crazed zombie is banging down your door, pack an extra kitchen knife or five –just in case. Never trust a firearm, either, because the safety will be on, the chamber will jam, or the bullets will somehow misfire.

Chances are, those off-the-beaten-path shortcuts will leave you (a) stranded and (b) in the path of a murderer. My advice: rock out to an awesome playlist as you take the long (and safe) road to your destination. I know the price of gas has gotten out of hand, but what's $3.85 a gallon compared to your safety and a long, long life?

The last lesson I’ve learned from horror movies is to lock up and set your alarm system. It’s better safe than sorry, especially when there’s a masked madman hanging around outside. Double check the windows while you're at it, and make sure no one can get into the basement. They always find a way in through the basement.

These are 10 of the most useful lessons I’ve learned from horror movies. Believe you me, I'm prepared for any serial killers, creepy little apparitions, or man-eating plants. Which tips would you use if you ever found yourself in a “Scream”-worthy situation? Let me know if you have any additions!

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