Work is over, you’ve finished packing and the plane leaves at 10am tomorrow. There’s just time for a nice, relaxing film before you go to bed and… oops, you’ve blown it. With one bad DVD selection, you’ve sent your relaxed, holiday-ready brain into paranoia overdrive. Airplane crashes, terrorist insurrections, violent kidnappings and more will now be swirling round your head as you take off for that ill-advised holiday in Somalia (or wherever). Hey, it happens. But fret not – we’ve gone through our DVD collections and uncovered the very worst pre-holiday films to watch, so you don’t have to. In no particular order:
The first Final Destination film features a plane-crash sequence so unimaginably brutal that it’ll put you off flying forever. Based on a real-life incident when a plane exploded just after take-off, the film throws blood-splatters, flaming death and dismemberment across the screen with gusto – reminding you just how very helpless you really are in an aircraft. Even worse, road travel is no better: the sequel opens with one of the most-bruising motorway crash scenes ever recorded. In fact, maybe you’d better just steer clear of the entire series.
Heading to the beach for sun, surf and relaxation? Then you’d best avoid Jaws (and the sequels, though for artistic reasons this time). A giant, man-eating shark is terrifying Amity beach and the protagonists are powerless to stop it. Cue lots of gory deaths, unnerving paranoia and a certain infamous soundtrack. Sunbathing on the beach will never be the same again.
If you’re about to take a trip to Mexico, Man on Fire is probably the worst film of all time to watch beforehand. Centred on the brutal kidnapping activities of a Mexico City-based cartel (and the violent revenge Denzel Washington wreaks upon them), the film grabs all the clichés of Mexican drug violence and wraps them up in a handy Westerner-terrifying plot. Man on Fire is guaranteed to leave you a gibbering wreck by the time you touch down in the capital.
Four buddies go on an adventure holiday and wind up becoming the playthings of snaggle-toothed psychopaths with names like Zeke. A nightmare vision of backwoods America, it also plays into the deeply held fears about the countryside of city-folk everywhere. Taken back to back in a double bill with the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre, it’ll inspire in you a love of city breaks you never knew existed.
Deliberately created to scare American backpackers, Hostel paints a portrait of Europe as a place overrun by shadowy human traffickers and evil, evil women out to seduce then slaughter you. Aside from making you wonder exactly how anyone could possibly portray relaxed Holland as terrifying, it’ll make you even-more suspicious of our continental cousins than before.
If you’re going to be driving long-distance, Steven Spielberg’s ropey-classic Duel should be the last thing on your playlist. The threadbare plot focuses on a travelling salesman who finds himself pursued by a psychopathic trucker across America’s back roads. 70 minutes and lots of chase-sequences later, he finally confronts the unseen would-be killer in a climactic violent showdown. Not one to watch if you have a fear of road accidents and/or flaming explosions.
If you’re planning a cruise and absolutely must watch a boat-sinking film beforehand, do yourself a favour and stick with Titanic. At least that film has the advantage of two hours of romance before the main set-piece. The Poseidon Adventure, by contrast, throws us in at the metaphorical and literal deep end. Tense, grim and occasionally terrifying, this film is to cruises what Psycho is to small, rarely-visited motels.
Are you scared of taveling now? What are your favorite anti-travel movies?