9 Devastatingly Disastrous Movie Remakes ...

Movie Remakes are a constant presence on the big screen. Usually, the original films were so good that the news of a remake leaves discerning filmgoers and critics alike scratching their heads in bewilderment, and wondering if there is really such a lack of ideas. Yet the movie remakes keep on coming, so they must make money. Here, though, is a list of some of the most disastrous movie remakes to pollute the cinemas …

1. Psycho

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Imagine the movie pitch: 'I want to do a shot-by-shot remake of a Hitchcock masterpiece'. How did that ever seem like a good idea? Vince Vaughn just couldn't outcreep Anthony Perkins, whose performance still makes me want to hide behind the sofa. In my opinion, this is definitely one of the worst movie remakes ever.

2. Piranha

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The first Piranha may not be quite at the same level as the original Psycho, but is still considered a fun, well-made B-movie horror. Now, with the trend for 3D, comes this pointless remake. Those responsible should be thrown in a tank of piranha.

3. The Ladykillers

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Now this is a movie remake that really gets my blood boiling. Mess with an Ealing comedy at your peril! The original Ladykillers truly is a classic, with exquisite performances and a wonderful script. The Coen brothers (usually good filmmakers) murdered it and totally missed the point by changing the character of the sweet old lady into a tough no-nonsense woman. Watch the original and toss the remake in the trash.

4. Cape Fear

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Sure, Robert de Niro is a good actor, but Robert Mitchum was astonishing. His performance in the first Cape Fear was effortlessly menacing. In the Battle of the Bobs, Mitchum wins hands down.

5. Dinner for Schmucks

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And now we come to a sub-genre of movie remakes – the American version of a good foreign-language film that is invariable vastly inferior to the original. The French version Le Diner de Cons is the only film where I have heard a packed cinema roar with laughter at the same joke. Somehow I doubt this ever happened with Dinner for Schmucks.

6. Planet of the Apes

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Tim Burton's creative vision seems to have failed him in this remake. What on earth was the point, when we all knew the ending? At least the recent prequel was able to bring some originality to the story.

7. Alfie

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Take a film featuring one of the iconic actors of the 60s and 70s, replace him with a younger counterpart, and move the setting from Swinging Sixties London to modern New York. Result: pointless and inferior remake. Not even Jude Law's looks salvaged this mess.

8. Get Carter

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Now, I like Stallone, I really do. He's actually turned in some good performances. But remaking another Michael Caine classic (has he upset someone in Hollywood?) was never going to approach the quality of the original.

9. The Assassin

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Finally, the Foreign Film Remake strikes again. Something was definitely lost in translation when French film Nikita was remade in English. Yes, everything that made it a good film. Please, Hollywood people, accept that audiences are capable of reading subtitles.

It's doubtful that studios will give up on the idea of movie remakes. Execs seem to have this idea that their movie remakes will improve upon an original winner, when in reality most of them fall flat. Still, they go on and the cycle continues. Film fans, on the other hand, shudder with horror upon hearing that a favourite film is about to suffer a remake. Invariably the critical response is overwhelmingly negative as well. Can you think of any movie remakes that actually improved upon the original?

Top Photo Credit: weheartit.com

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