1. Mr. Freeze (Batman and Robin)

I’m not sure what made Arnie accept this role but I’m guessing he was like ”If I could play one of the most legendary heroes, I could definitely do most ridiculous movie villains, yah? “ And the producers were like, “Sure Arnie, knock yourself out! We’ll even pay you 25 million dollars because every movie villain needs to have that air of perpetual constipation about him. And spout ice-related jokes! “ Now, don’t get me wrong, Mr. Freeze is a good comic book villain which is the reason why partial lobotomy should be made available for Batman fans who made a mistake of seeing this.

2. Zorg (the Fifth Element)

First of all, the guy’s last name is Zorg! And he almost choked on a cherry! Throw a silly comb-over into the mix and I ask you – how can anyone actually fear this guy? But let’s look into his big act of villainy, shall we? He’s being paid to destroy the world because… err… business opportunity of a lifetime? Blow up the world in which you and your business already hold a really great position, get paid in the currency of the world you’ve just blew up, enjoy the post apocalyptic ever after cuddled up against the force of evil whose mere voice makes your head bleed. Brilliant!

3. Deacon Frost (Blade)

Speaking about folks with a knack for cutting the branch they are sitting on – here’s another absolutely awesome villain whose sole purpose of existence is to give Blade a chance to show off a few badass duster-twirling moves. But wait, Frost’s version of the script contains a totally evil plan that involves turning all humans into vampires. Because world domination is freaking awesome, especially when it involves cutting off your entire food supply to make more hungry vampires you can’t feed because, hey oh, you’ve just turned all humans into vampires. Ha!

4. Xerxes (300)

Am I the only one who thinks this could have been an epic Snickers Diva commercial? But seriously, what’s the deal with all the body paint, piercings and Nuclear Man’s blingy hand-me-downs? I honestly doubt any conqueror (and especially the one who did some successful conquering) would take one look at that outfit and go like, “I should totally wear this for my next campaign”. What’s next? “Is this chain making my butt look big?”

5. Terl Et Al. (Battlefield Earth)

Evil aliens have finally conquered our little planet and, if you thought that’s bad news, wait until you see the aliens!. Long story short – these guys came here to mine our gold, they’ve destroyed pretty much everything and what few humans are left are being used as slaves. Fast forward one thousand years and yup…still here! But wait, the gold must be gone by now so surely, they’ve done some rebuilding and Earth is a pretty teched-out place by now. Ah…not really! Thus we meet Trel, the alien in charge of all this mess, a.k.a the guy who actually resorts to evil laugh every time he does something bad! Yup, you’ve heard that correctly – picking wings off flies is his mission and he’s been doing a bang up job for the last 1000 years! No wonder his superiors don’t want him back on their home planet!

6. Elliot Carver (Tomorrow Never Dies)

Remember this guy? No? Well, how about if I told you he’s a media mogul trying to start a WW3 in order to gain the upper hand. That’s how things are done when you’re thinking big, I guess! Why start a minor conflict when you can make sure the whole world is involved and gain exclusive rights to…oh wait – how do you get exclusive rights to report on a World War? Or exclusive rights to not become a target?

7. Laurel Hedare (Catwoman)

Seriously, you guys? You had Sharon Stone on board and all you could come up with is “toxic face cream”? Because that’s a fantastic business strategy I’m sure – risk your reputable cosmetic company to push a face cream that will disfigure flyby customers but give its loyal users marble-hard skin. Brilliant! Any smart villains out there hoping to gain a new superpower? Because this girl has found a way to bottle it up and she’s evil (or stupid) enough to sell it!

Do you have a favorite worst movie villain? Maybe a few? Do tell! I have a feeling there are more laugh-worthy villains out there I need to check out.